somebody said "Happy Friday!" to me today. what's so happy about it? are happy meals on cheap today? who the hell says that? well a bum said it to me, so i didn't say anything to him because i didn't want to get stabbed, so i'll say it here.

furthermore, every tard that calls Wednesday "Hump Day" deserves a cock punch. what are we riding camels? or i'd understand if there was fucking in the streets, but last time i checked there wasn't. (damn you Janet Jackson! its your fault there's no fucking in the streets! *falls to knees and sobs* you've ruined it all!)

you're probably thinking "uh-oh! sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

ever been in a situation where you know something about somebody, but its a secret you haven't been told. but then you don't want to tell them you know, because you haven't been specifically told yet, but more because if they know you know, they'd probably want to talk about it with you all the time. so you pretend you don't know, you know?

and now, here's some photos of squirrels doing it. wax that ass squirrel dude!

two phrases from my high school days i'm trying to bring back:

• fuckin' rights, and
• fuckin' A

favourite new character on Simpsons: Johnny Tightlips, the latest full fledged member of Fat Tony's crew legitimate businessman's club.

some of his recent scenes:

Legs: Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'.
Legs: But what'll I tell the doctor?
Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon.

***

Fat Tony: Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?
Johnny Tightlips: I see a lot of things...
Fat Tony: You know, you could be a little more helpful.

***

Fat Tony: Ahh, my Joi'zee muscle... It's so good to see you. Did you have a nice flight Johnny Tightlips?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'
Fat Tony: I undastand.. How is your motha'?
Johnny Tightlips: Oh ey, who says I have a motha?

i'm driving into work this morning, singing "i got 99 problems". i open the glove box to change cds and i notice my car insurance renewal notice sitting there. oh shit! i was supposed to renew 2 days ago! so right away i start looking for the Autoplan insurance sign so i can pull over and renew it, and its one of those things where you can never find one when you need one. kinda like when you need a payphone or need to throw something out, but can't find a garbage can. anyways, i finally spot the sign at a strip mall and pull up in front of the insurance place. i hand the renewal notice to the insurance lady and she says "oh, you're 2 days late, i hope you didn't drive here" and i say "oh no! of course not." here i strategically put my hands up as if i'm mock-horrified and backing away. "i was just staying at my girlfriends place a few blocks away and walked here". i like lying to people i'll never see again. besides, what does she know? so the whole transaction continues and i pay and she gives me my new papers and stickers for my license plate. i walk to the back of my car and put on the new stickers. i look up and the insurance lady is staring right at me through the window. i smile and wave at her, get in my car and drive away.