my new favourite putdown:

"you're like Clay Aiken... but without the personality"

once i was asked what i thought of somebody we just met. my response:

"with that haircut and attire, he kinda looks like a beverly hills cocaine dealer in the 80s. but like, a beverly hills cocaine dealer who just moved to miami and wants a piece of the sweet sweet hookers and blow action. hey, does that mean we're like miami vice? can i be crockett? cause i don't want to be tubbs. tubbs sucks."

***

best thing i've seen since that clip of a monkey washing a cat in a sink: a monkey riding a dog.

i've been told twice now in as many days that i'm sensitive. i am? aww crap.