today is mundane blog entries day!

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photos from Osaka, Japan taken by my friend with his new cellphone/camera.

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OK GO - August 5, 2002 / Richards on Richards, Vancouver

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for some reason, morons still post assinine comments on this old movie ideas post about how all my movie ideas are unoriginal and stupid. well duh you fucking retard! they were supposed to be. uggh, i can't stand humourless people. go fuck right off.

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how can the same street intersect with itself? i must be at the nexus of the universe!

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i hate when smokers smoke near doors i have to walk through. they really need to ban smoking outdoors as well.

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i have posted the full lyrics to Fantômas - Amenaza Al Mundo. these were taken from the Patton Fever site, but it seems to be down at the moment. here's the lyrics for "Page 15 - (22 frames)":

whoo-ooo whoo-hoo whoo-ooo
dordy-dordy yaddayee yai
dow hwor!
dow hwor!
hwayayayayayayayaya hor!
dyaargh yaargh dordordor
*whispering: death death death* *woman screams*

Mike Patton is the man. i swear this album was made only for me.

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is it still Seasonal Affective Disorder if every season is depressing?

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i wrote the following in an e-mail this morning:

And on the contrary, anything you say can be held against you. You wanna know why? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities. Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!

Forget it Jeff, it's Chinatown.

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i want to lick pj harvey.

no seriously, why are all Japanese people such pervs?

in unrelated news, i really need to go to Japan.

my emo band's name will be Love N Roses. i'll wear an untucked white shirt with a black sweater over top so that collars sticks out at the top and shirt tails stick out at the bottom. i'll sit on a stool and play acoustic guitar and preface every song with "this song is about pussy".

my math rock band's name will be Differential. time signatures will feature overlapping 4/4 mid-tempo based on theorms like the Summability of the Geometric Series and the musical tendencies of Reed-Solomon Codes when graphed. a smoking monkey with a tophat will play bass.

my girl rock band's name will be Frothy Discharge. the girl's names will all start with "Frothy", like "Frothy Jen" or "Frothy Kate". the drummer of course will be topless. my name will be Jack Discharge.

cop shows always lose me when they're examining video or photographs.

as usual, all the cops sit around and watch the video. then the one cop who loves waving his dick around the most will say "hold it" and tell the computer geek cop to rewind that last part. the geek will rewind and the dick-waving-cop will say "freeze it right there". he might even tap on the screen. and the geek will freeze and the dick-waving-cop will ask him "can you zoom in right here?", pointing at the lamp and asking as if he really didn't know zooming was even possible. the geek will select the area to zoom from the video still and will tell the other cops that he'll apply something called "filters" (he might even do the finger quotes in the air when he says it) to make the image clearer. he'll apply the filter and his program will display the zoomed-in area as a mosaic that slowly dissolves into a super hi-res crystal clear image that looks like a photograph.

how the fuck does that work? how can you get hi-res photograph quality image from a reflection off a curved lamp from a video still? how do you get clarity from video noise?

i don't mind the oversized, super graphical, 24pt font aliased font interfaces; i can live with that. i understand you need some whiz-bang. and i don't even mind that they're not using Photoshop. but this kind of Hollywood Zooming always gets me. C.S.I. always does this. i thought cop shows strive for accuracy?

i just bought an iPod. it is so fucking hot. its the 10gig one, which means it'll hold 33% of my mp3 collection. as are most apple products, it was kind of expensive. if i had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.

oh yeah, the iPod's name is Francis.

Doug Benson is my favourite movie reveiwer. The following are capsule reviews from his I Love Movies! column at bobanddavid.com

HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS - Two hours and forty minutes of the most boring fun imaginable!

SANTA CLAUSE 2 - I laughed a few times. Then the movie began.

RED DRAGON - Full of suspenseful twists and turns, if you've never seen MANHUNTER and you're a moron.

XXX - zzz

SIGNS - It's the most fun you’ll have taking a nap this summer!

K19: THE WIDOWMAKER - To perfect his Russian accent, I heard Harrison Ford got really, really stoned and convinced himself that he had a perfect Russian accent.

MINORITY REPORT - It seems like a Stanley Kubrick Film. And by that I mean directed by a dead guy.

THE SUM OF ALL FEARS - I already sat through the Ben Affleck/Samuel L. Jackson movie and the Morgan Freeman/Ashley Judd movie this year, so this Ben Affleck/Morgan Freeman movie can just fuck off.

ABOUT A BOY - I didn’t want it to start!

THE SCORPION KING - If you loved THE MUMMY and THE MUMMY RETURNS, then you're an idiot.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE - Worth checking out just to hear Arnold Schwarzenegger attempt to pronounce the word "collateral."

I AM SAM - Retarded.

and finally, my favourite review of all time:

AMELIE - She's as cute as a button. I hate buttons.

if you've read this site in the past year and at times wondered about some of the cryptic and hostile posts and what exactly the fuck i was talking about, well then, here is an annotated list of entries for 2002 for you:

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July 2002

• i am so win - i won $100 in a contest at work.
• tommy gun, bloodlust, a perfect teenhood, fuck you - i was singing "a perfect teenhood" by ...and you will know us by the trail of dead. i saw trail of dead in concert back in april as well, this was the last song they played, followed promptly by a smashed drumset and stage. exactly how a concert should end. encores are so un-rock-n-roll.
• the spider - a partially true story, except for the part about the flies and the room and the disappearing glass.
• gangbangsluts - i used to be an op on #gangbangsluts on Undernet. no really. i had friends there. i hadn't been on IRC in a long time and was surprised the channel was still around.

August 2002

• conversations with conrad: pre-war and disorders - me pretending to talk to a british aristocrat in an insane asylum who may or may not be god. i don't know, it was late at night when i posted these.
• unb oken - hooray for irony. i saw a typo where unbroken was spelled as unb oken and thought it was the coolest thing ever so i stole it.

September 2002

• venice I and venice II - playing in photoshop. these are photos of the square in Venice from my trip to Europe. photos of which i never posted here.
• god hates a coward - title of a song of the same name by Tomahawk, a Mike Patton band.
• turn the page - thinking about Generation X by Douglas Coupland (who also needs a cock punch), which i never finished. although if you read between the lines you'd know that i'm not talking about a book at all. i was really talking about a one man play i hope to take broadway.

October 2002

• rewiring your brain - about how one day a path i've built will become clear enough to take. coming next year, annotations for annotations.
• under a dead vancouver sky - i was driving home listening to Jimmy by Tool, i pulled over and took this photo. everything seemed to fit. i changed the line "under a dead ohio sky" to "under a dead vancouver sky" because i'm clever.
• beneath the smile - one of my favourite bands are The Queers, and one of their best songs is "Born to do Dishes". i always thought the lyrics were "beneath, the smile, i've never been on time", but it turns out the real lyrics are "the heat, the slime, i've never been on time. i like my version way better.
• pretentious fucker - regarding the previous post. while looking up news on a new placebo album, i found this old article at mtv.com where at a concert brian moloko says "you'll have to indulge me, pretentious fucker that i am." I appropriated it for myself.
• what's inside you? - i was taking photos one day and came across a trail of blood which lead to a pile of intestines and a chewed off tail of something, so naturally i took macro shots of it.
• bye for now - ever stop talking to people?
• topics in my novel - basically an outline for a story that currently lives partially in IM conversations, partially here, and the rest in my head that could be conceivably be extended to a novel one day if i knew how to write.

November 2002

• slut in a fjord - this is either a piece about de-slutting, or an excuse to use the words "slut", "fjord" and "crisis of pornographic complexity".