a few weeks ago, i drove by a house where a police cruiser was parked out front. a cop with a moustache and pink nose was talking to a skinny woman with spindly blond hair and a denim sun dress. the house wasn't really a house, more like a shack built around the husk of a trailer. the front yard was unkempt with car parts strewn about.

you know, white trash.

so in that moment as we drive by, i make a voice and say something like,

"he didn't mean to hit me officer. he's a good man. don't take him away. i fell asleep in the driveway and he run over my head with the truck."

after the laughter, i was asked, "do you always have to say something? can't you not make a comment every time?"

yes. i always have to say something. no. i can't drive by a scene like that and not say something. that's me, that's the thing i do.

remember that time i updated my site?

i've never strived for popularity. i've never actively promoted this site through webrings, banners exchange and what not. it still surprises me that a small number of people regularly visit this site. i don't know how they found it, or why they come back.

i don't think this site is good enough to be popular. popular sites are engaging. i am not engaging. i hardly make any attempts to elicit responses. besides, engaging people are passionate.

some have said that they use blogging as a form of therapy. i can't remember ever writting anything on this site that ever made me feel better about anything. some satisfaction, sure. therapy? no. besides, doesn't therapy imply illness? oh so many of you sick, sick people.

but yeah, i have been neglecting this page. i always thought that i'd just post nothing instead of something boring. i'll get back to the boring.

go-karts are fun! the first race i was braking on every turn. the second race i was only letting go of the gas to slow down. the third race was full on throttle, except for the hairpin turn.

This Venn Diagram accurately represents my set of friends:

The large circle, X, would be me, and every other circle represents a set, consisting of one or more people who are my friends. The vast majority of people you meet you won't befriend, because, well, they suck. But every so often you meet a person and they become a friend and then they're assigned to a set.

Intersection of sets are transcribed as AX, which is transcribed in the above diagram by the shaded region. As you can see,

ABCDE = NULL

Each set is only mildly aware of the other. Sets don't mix.

An accurate real world example of this would be if I were to ever throw a huge house party, inviting all my friends. I'm sure sets would co-mingle with members from other sets for a while, talking about me of course. What else would they have in common? But as the night would progress, friends of the same set would draw closer together, away from the other members of other sets. Each set would eventually convene in seperate areas or rooms inside the house.

I hate parties.

***

You probably only ever make one or two real friends in highschool. The rest are just friends of convenience. Maybe you shared homeroom, or you walked together to school. But once that's over, and that everyday routine is gone, it's usually "so long friend".

XA = NULL

I have no desire to talk to the majority of people I knew in highschool. Even at the time I knew most were go-no-where idiots. If I do run into them now, this is usually the standard template for conversations:

(note: only my side of the dialogue is transcribed)

"So yeah, I went to university, finished my degree, and now I have a really cool job. what about you?"

"Hey I hear ya, school isn't for everybody. So what do you do nowadays?"

"Cool, security must be a fun job. Ever meet any rock stars at those concerts?"

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't meet any rock stars on the job at Wal-Mart."

"So yeah, it was nice running into you again. See ya."

And as it usually goes, the people you would like to talk to again, you have no idea how to get in contact with.

***

Your friends of course have their own set of friends:

XE = NULL

Sometimes you meet them:

XDE = MEET (shaded)

You think E is cool and you like E. After a few more times, D = D + E.

D is now larger by sizeof(E).

***

X doesn't always know everything that happens in other sets:

The shaded region depicts B-X. X doesn't know what happens in B-X, or why. But, something does happen:

B is split into B and C. XB is still something, and XC is still something. But now, BC = NULL.

i briefly met rudy tomjanovich, the head coach of the houston rockets the other day. he was having dinner alone at the thai house on robson. he's in town to scout their number one draft pick, 7-6 center Yao Ming. the chinese national team is in town to do some exhibition match with team canada.

he was leaving the same time we were, so i needed to approach him somehow. so i kindly asked him if they could beat the lakers this upcoming season, for me. highly unlikely since houston is one of the worst teams. he said he would love to, but they need to get rid of shaq first to hollywood. i suggested shaq do kazaam 2. it's always fun making fun of shaq, especially in front of an nba coach.

***

in related news, i'm the first result for 'lakers suck' on google, so an old entry still generates new comments from detracters and fanboys.

if you have 10 minutes to kill, check out this video of rejected promotional cartoons for the family learning channel. it's so weird and so funny. great use of muzak too. wait till you see what happens to the fluffy cloud guy to the right (it's about 5 mins in).

Update: the video is no longer available for download. But you can easily find it on Google by searching for rejected.wmv.

You can also buy it on DVD.

a poem:

Unbroken
by Pinder Johal

I'm unb oken.

Conversations with Conrad: disorders

Me: Still faking disorders?

CONRAD: Of course. Chics love it.

ME: What's the latest?

CONRAD: I went back to depression. It's the easiest one to fake.

ME: What happened to the anxiety disorder? I thought it was working so well?

CONRAD: Was. But I learned that the part of the brain that controls the hormone that regulates anxiety also controls the bowels. So people with anxiety disorders usually have irritable bowel syndrome as well.

ME: Ew.

CONRAD: Yeah, chics don't love that.

Conversations with Conrad: pre-war

CONRAD: This is a photograph of me standing next to a pre-war poster encouraging conscription.

ME: Wow, propaganda.

CONRAD: Yes, but pre-war, we never called it that.

CONRAD: This is a photograph of my mother from our summers in pre-war Italy. That particular summer, my father and I dilligently restored the family's summer villa to pristine condition. Oh how brave we were pre-war.

ME: Fascinating. But don't you have any photos from after the war?

CONRAD: After the war?

ME: Yeah. After the war? Post-war?

CONRAD: There was a war?

***

the cool thing about Saddam is how he makes all his cabinet members grow the same moustache as his. i bet cabinet rank is established by moustache growth. the closer it looks to Glorious Leader, the higher your rank.

i do have that whole messianic complex thing, so whenever i get my cult church group going, it'll be pompadours and muttonchops for all. i promise.

i saw the vines in concert last night. it was a fun show at a small venue. i really thought they'd play "get free" like 3 times, but i'm glad they didn't. the outkast "ms. jackson" cover was pretty good too. they crashed the drums at the end of the set, so no encore, which is good. i don't care much for encores. i brought a long my camera and took 180 photos. here are 15 of them:

the vines August 5, 2002 Richards on Richards, Vancouver

thanks to google, brad from jeans and a t-shirt and laura from the modern age, all of who i harassed for concert photo tips.

you know you're watching a bad movie when you find yourself saying "this movie would be ten times better if it had steven seagal in it"

i spun out while driving into work this morning. the roads were wet and i was going way too fast on this curvy offramp. i didn't panic or slam the brakes. the only thing i was thinking was i hope the car doesn't flip. the back wheels spun up to the front and completed the 180. no damage, no injuries. there were no other cars around either. it could have been a lot worse. it was actually kind of fun.

pinder 1, death 0!

but yeah, lesson learned: slow down, especially when the roads are wet.

oh yeah, i'm back from vegas. it was fun and relaxing. i posted a few photos as well. i waited too long to write anything, so i've forgotten most of it. isn't the law of las vegas though? what ever happens in vegas stays in vegas? here are some comments anyway:

- thanks to suejon for taking us out for a great dinner, and for driving us around and being subjected to photographs. it would have been 4 days without listening to tool or sublime if it weren't for suejon's car stereo.

- i didn't gamble much at all. i lost about $25 on the slots the first few days, then i won a bunch on the 3rd day and stopped.

- walking around by the pool, i noticed that most people read stupid books. i've never read a dean koontz or danielle steele novel, but i assume they suck. people would stare at the book i was reading, probably because of the star-eyed blow-up doll on the cover.

- easiest job in the world: las vegas weatherman. "today it's hot and sunny".

- we watched a screening of a Nathan Lane pilot at CBS Television city. good god it sucked. poor Nathan Lane, TV is beneath you. "well brent, i just fell in love with script and my recent trouble with the IRS sealed the deal!"

- at the star trek experience ride at the hilton, i learned that i was the ancestor of jean luc picard. somewhere along the way my family tree becomes white and french.

- 3 krispy kreme doughnuts make a good breakfast.

- the treasure island show is kinda stupid. the pirates sink the british boat and everyone cheers. am i the only one who sees that the pirates are murderers and thieves while the british were just trying to stop them?

- why do stores give you a receipt for everything?

- on the flight back, after i passed through normal security, another guy was doing random security checks before you board the plane. so of course i was "randomly" selected because of my large backpack/carry on, and not all because of my brown skin. oh well, it was kinda amusing. there was nothing in my shoes.

check paul's and suejon's site for more vegas stories.