damn lo flow showers. the terrorists have already won.

one great big festering neon distraction. i've a suggestion to keep me all occupied...

alcohol.

i'll be in vegas next week. this site will probably not be updated, nor will e-mail be checked. but then again, i've never tried that before, so most likely i will break down and check e-mail. but then again, i might not, out of spite for this very post.

snippets from yesterday:

from instant message:

pinder says: yeah, go detard yourself, then come back to this conversation
* jeffp has left the conversation.
pinder says: hehe

pinder says: should i tell him i'm not a chic? or should i tell him i was just out washing my car and now my tshirt is all wet

pinder says: damn, if only i didn't have work to do, i'd be the sluttiest chic ever!

pinder says: everyone is out enjoying the weather and saying how nice it is. i was gonna say that i'm sick of the hot, nice weather and want clouds and storms, but the people who say it's nice are expecting that and are ready to backlash against my backlash
pinder says: it's nice outside :)

from e-mail:

"are goths allowed to headbang? or is that considered "too jock" and the other goths will suck your blood because of it?"

"somebody was talking about absinthe the other day and i thought of you. did you ever buy any or is that just one of your made up stories you like to tell people? just like that one about how you're *not* a robot drone sent by the Q'zars of Gamma Alphalon. good luck convincing anyone of that!"

***

e-mail i sent my boss:

Hibbert: Son, I'm afraid that leg is hanging by a thread.
Lubchenko: Lubchenko must return to game!
Hibbert: [chuckles] Your playing days are over, my friend. But, you can always fall back on your degree in ... [reads chart] communications!? Oh, dear Lord!
Lubchenko: I know! Is phony major. Lubchenko learn nothing. Nothing! [cries]

my boss has a degree in communications.

i noticed that a tiny garden spider and a family of houseflys had moved into this room. i used to be alone here, but now the room was full of real activity. the spider had spun it's web in the darkly lit window and the flys were buzzing in the opposite window, on the other side of the room. the spider stood on guard at his window, waiting for flys, while the flys remained imprisoned at their window, clinging to the hope that they will one day escape the invisible barrier keeping them away from the sunlight beyond. i sat here in the middle.

every morning i'd approach the spider's window and i'd watch him waiting patiently. i'd stop to say hello, but he'd never catch any flys. they all stayed on their side. poor spider, he must be starving. i kept thinking he's sitting there crying, watching the flys across the way, mistaking their screams as laughter. he was here, and all the flys were over there. then i'd walk across the room to the fly's window. four or five would dance across the pane of the glass, buzzing like mad. maybe if they concentrated really hard, they could penetrate the glass and fly right through it. poor flys, your evolution didn't even conceive of the possibility of glass.

the next morning i had made up mind. i had to do something. i was in the middle. after my customary greeting to the spider, i went to the fly's window and cornered a little baby fly. after a little patience, i caught the fly by the wing, being careful not to tear it off. it buzzed and fought my grasp as valiantly as a fly could. i walked across the room and looked up at the spider and flicked the fly into his web. the spider pounced immediately. he twirled the fly around in his legs, quickly enveloping it with his silk. he took it back to the center and dug his fangs in. i watched with excitement as he fed on the tiny fly for the next 30 minutes until only a husk remained, which he then discarded from his web to the window sill below.

i followed this routine every morning for the next two weeks. say hello to the spider, catch a fly, give him the fly, watch him feast, then return to my desk. i caught only the smaller flys at first, because he couldn't handle the larger flys. the larger flys would either overpower the silk and escape, or they'd just be too big and he would drop them. but as the days went on, his abdomen grew bigger and the larger flys were easy to tackle now.

then one morning, i placed the fly gently into the web and as always, the spider sprung into action. but instead of attacking, he circled the fly, snipping the web around it. the fly fell to the window sill where it tossed and turned until it freed itself of the silk and flew away back to his own window. the buzz from the flys across the room was even louder now. they were cheering in jubilation of their brother's return. how strange i thought. i figured the spider must not have been hungry and returned to my seat.

the next morning i retrieved the spider another fly and again he snipped its chains and set it free. a great cheer arose from across the room. this happened for the next two weeks. the spider wasn't eating. he was resucing the flys. every morning i'd give him a fly and every morning he would save it. he was getting smaller and smaller everyday. he was starving again.

finally one morning, the spider was lying on his back on the window sill. he was dead. he had all but withered away, only a husk remained. he had killed himself. i walked across the room to the flys window and felt a light breeze against my face. the glass was gone. the flys were gone. they escaped.

and again, i was all alone in this room.

[21:48] -X- AUTHENTICATION SUCCESSFUL as Deftone
[21:48] *** Now talking in #gangbangsluts
[21:48] *** X sets mode: +o Deftone

last week, i had free passes to see the advanced screening of crocodile hunter: collision course. advanced screenings usually involve some sort of melee with decorations and prize giveaways and whatnot. this screening was sponsered by the local country radio station, one of the local newspapers, and the vancouver aquarium. there was a guy wearing a beluga whale mascot outfit giving everyone high fives on the way into the theater. i was feeling merry (which is unusual), so i put my hand up for a high five. but he completely, as they would say on the streets, dissed me. stupid whale, i didn't want a high five anyway. i figured he just didn't see me because it's hard to see out of those tiny holes.

anyways, so we take our seats and they start with the prizes and giveaways. the free passes have a number on the top corner, so they were calling out numbers. the first few prizes were discovery channel tshirts i think. i even said, "i don't think i'm gonna win" and put my pass away because i already won a contest earlier in the week. the grand prize was 2 free passes to the vancouver aquarium, and what do you know, they call out my number. now i am so fucking win. i get up and walk to the front of the theater and give the lady who called out the number my pass to verify. she points me to the whale and says he has the prize. the guy in the whale costume walks over and he's holding the prize package out with both hands/fins. i take it from him and walk away. when i get back to my seat, my friend says "you know, after you grabbed the prize, the whale put his hand out to shake your hand, but you just walked away."

haha stupid whale. that's what you get for not giving me a high five. sweet sweet inadvertent revenge.

half the things i do, i do out of spite. i probably wouldn't get much done at all if it weren't for spite. like this post for instance. this post is here purely out of spite. "i never update anymore huh? well i'll show you!"

if i could make a list
of my mistakes and regrets
i'd put your name on the top
and every line after it

...and you will know us by the trail of dead - mistakes and regrets

note to self: when you're standing on a street corner silently mouthing the words "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you..." endlessly to yourself, people around you will still think you're saying it to them.

if you've been wondering what i've been up to lately, well i guess i can let the cat out of the bag. i've been writing scripts. movie scripts that is. it's difficult work, but i find that truly original ideas come naturally to me. here are some of the ideas i've been developing:

— the first movie is about a hooker with a heart of gold who falls in love with her john. i can't believe hollywood hasn't even remotely touched this topic yet. what an idea! don't those hollywood fatcats think prostitutes are interesting?

— a movie where samuel l. jackson is wrongly accused and has to overcome adversity. it'll be a good role for sam to branch out his acting chops. he's never played a character like this before.

— a story about a goofball who refuses to grow up, but then he inherits millions of dollars and becomes a golf pro, but in order to fully inherit the money, he has to go back to grade school. oh and he gets a foster kid on top of all that. i'm currently in negotiations with that actor, adam something....what's his name? i always forget. oh yes, adam west.

— an action thriller where both the good guy and the bad guy are chasing after this tiny device called "a disc" that has "the codes" to access a super death ray satellite. but what they don't realize is that they're actually twin brothers! they were separated at birth. ben, the good guy, becomes a police detective whereas hugo, the evil one, becomes an international arms dealer. they even have matching tattoos on their hands which when joined together form a map that shows the exact location of this "disc". the only way to join the tattoos together is by shaking hands. but how can they do that if they hate each other! ben affleck and matt damon have expressed interest, but they can go fuck themselves right in the ear.

and don't even think of ripping me off either because the copyright papers have already been filed and my agent will have your ass.

related: break down the pins and get hot communication

i always assumed that if you were a good person and lived your life with honest intentions, then in life, you would get what you deserve. you might not be a saint, but who is? you're not evil. you're not stupid. you're not — bad. sure, bad things will happen to you, but you have to shrug them off because if you try to live a good life and do the right thing, then good things will come. right?

but then why do great things happen to assholes? what the fuck?

i've noticed my profession doesn't really lend itself to stories and anecdotes useful for general conversation to non geeks:

pinder: today i wrote java code for 30 minutes straight and when i compiled it, it all worked perfectly!

friend (not a web-geek): is that good?

other friend (also not a web-geek): isn't that normal? don't you do that every day?

pinder: no way! that is unprecedented! normally you compile —

*notices blank stares*

pinder: never mind.

i am so win.

i was thinking one day, i don't have a white name. it's not that i really want one, i like my name. but a lot of indian people have a white name. my brother and dad have white names; paul and dave respectively. but those are naturally derived from their full indian names.

what can be derived from pinder? i'm open to suggestions.

okay, i will accept pinderella. but you can only call me that if you know me and you're a chic.